Feelings are made to be expressed. It's not meant to be helpless or kept. We use our mouths to say it out loud.
But it's not as simple as that. Things go crazy at times and when it gets so complicated, we stop ourselves, shut up and turn back. Silence hurts but I'm doing it. O.o
I grew up having to spend most of my time with myself. I guess I'm comfortable that way. I am surrounded by friends and lots and lots of playmates but when playtime's over I'm back with me, myself and I. Opening and reaching out to others is just so difficult for me. I'm not a loner troubled kid of course! Maybe it's just being me. It turns out that I grew up just fine. I'm a strong, positive and cheerful gal. I'm not a big talker or a very outgoing person but my mind is always open for anything. And if my mood likes something, the silent me can become quite a biiiiiig taaalker.
WHAT CAN POSSIBLY CHANGE MY MOOD?
oh. Don't bother askin. It changes every second. :))
They called it "hormonal changes" some "peer pressure" or the one called "rebellious years" blah blah blah. Time is all changing for me, for all of us. It's like a long term makeover. I tried to open myself more, interact and be chattier. You see, being a teen you just can't keep things to yourself. And accepting oneself may take years. I like myself I don't have any reason not to.
I do change. Become a bit chit chatty. Well, why only a bit?
I guess there are just old traits that are so hard to dismiss and tossed out form the window. I love keeping things myself rather than telling the whole world about it. I go silent when I don't know what to say (and it's really awkward at times to the person I’m "supposed" to be talking to). I go silent when I'm depress, I go silent when I'm mind, I find peace when I'm confused. I don't know how to be direct or the dictionary term for that is 'frank'. I don't know how to be frank. Even if I wanted to say something, or scream my head out, I can’t do it. OOOh! Silence really is hurting my ears. At times, my being silent is the worse personality God showered me upon.
But! You know what; the other half of me is dissing that point. The other half of me is saying “Know what, you don't have to care. Let them talk bad things behind your back. For as long as you don't hurt anybody. We can be fine by that." Guys, guys. Let me ask you, am I being bitter? Or just being better? For me I'm in the middle. I'll try to be a better person even though I can be a bit bitter to my own face.
I experienced something not so good this summer. I hurt someone by telling their secrets to others. That someone confides me almost about her secret. Of all the people, I understand her the most but what have I done? I spilled it. I should have said nothing.
I don't want to hear another secret.
I don't want to hear another secret.
If I can't keep it next time, I'll better not hear any secrets.. I don't want to go through another messy mess ever again. But if life gives me a messy one, I'll fight it all out. Again ;)
After all what’s said and done I know silence hurts but it's better that way. Well better for me this way.
Want to prove me wrong? Prove it; I'll be waiting for you to change it. :)
aibs
