A reason to smile and believe :)

   We were given this class project at school in where we will make a play therapy program for those kids at the orphanage. At first it’s quite a challenge for my classmates and I. Coz aside from the fact that we don’t know anything about making such program, we are on our own in making this program successful. It won’t be my first time going to the orphanage. I went there for two or three times already. And I like that place. It’s full of cute and adorable little young ones. I hope that they now live in a home like the one I have now. Going back to the topic, the program was indeed a success. I’m not really the leader or the vice leader so I’m not really that pressured compare to the guys who got the position. I’m quite good being a member. Even though I’m just a chill member, I’m assigned as one of the game coordinator. I made my own version of Maria went to town and Egg passing contest. I combined the concept of both games and called it Chicken went to town. It’s quite funny and enjoying too. Here is the rule of my game.

1.    The kid must wear the shirt, the shoes, and carry a basket and the umbrella with them as a costume. They would be the chicken and they would also put a spoon on their mouth and on that spoon, an egg will be place.
2.    The first kid will walk to the pole and then go back to the starting line and pass the egg to the next kid. The next kid will also wear the shirt, the shoes and so on.. until all the kid in the group finish the race.
3.    P.S : That egg shall not fall or else they will go back to the starting line. :D

   I enjoyed watching the kids play my game. The name of the play therapy program was my idea too! Our instructor said that we have no name it. I raised my opinion and I think everybody likes my title. It’s “A THOUSAND REASONS TO SMILE”.  

Photo credits to Dawn Ginete and Charles Cantoneros

   Familiar isn’t it? Yup yup yup. I named our play therapy program after my blog. Everyone in the group is cool with it. Come to think of it, even though kids at the orphanage are let’s say orphans they are kids just like us. They are capable of love, of acceptance, of care and hurt too. It’s not their fault that they were given up by their parents for adoption. They are lucky that they were given a chance to live. Many weren’t as lucky as them. Some were given up for abortion. And it’s so cruel to digest that fact. Anyway, I think the name of my blog suits the program. On that day, I really wish that we gave them another reason to smile. And they should continue smiling while facing this life. 

    Seeing those kids’ smiles at the play therapy was heart warming. We prepared a dance presentation for them and they did prepared one for us too. We exchange laughs and stories. We gave them brief lectures about activities of daily living and proper mannerisms. They were attentive and cooperative. We have this session that they will draw their dreams in a paper. A lot wanted to be a teacher (because they are copying ideas from one another), some wanted to be in the army, some wanted to be a nurse, a doctor, and this kid next to me told me he wanted to be a king. And he is not joking, he is serious that time. :D Well I do hope they will walk the right path of their lives and head for their dreams.  I remembered once that I wanted to be a pediatrician, then a famous actress, then a writer, then a cook. But then here I am now, heading to be an Occupational therapist which is not really in my list of dreams. I guess dreams changes but you can not stop yourself from dreaming and believing.  We dream the moment we close our eyes and we dream even though are eyes are open.

   We dream to be better. No one dreams to be the worst of this world. We experience changes because dreams changes, priorities changes.  We are facing life here and life is all about change. Dreams are not suppose to stay stagnant; they are supposed to be ever changing. And there is always a reason for that. Today you want to be a choir member but tomorrow you’ll going to be a superstar. You dream of being a millionaire but you become a monk. You wanted to be an international athlete but you become a businessman or maybe newscaster.

   We had so many life stories to tell. We experience different struggles and happiness. We may be an orphan or a normal kid. We can be jobless or empty handed tomorrow. We may lose someone special today or meet new friends. We grew up each day and each day we learned something new. Things happen for a reason. You may or may not know all the reason behind the scenes but we don’t need to regret it. Because once, twice or many times it lift our spirits high. This life can be tough but there are always a thousand reasons to smile. :)

Aibs

3 semesters down. 3 weeks sembreak.

All the complaining, the late night cramming, and the making of assignments and projects is finally done. I survived the first semester of my second year in college though I’m not really sure if I passed all the subjects. I really wish I do. I got some issues with Chemistry 11 and Human Anatomy. I don’t wanna fail of course. I don’t wanna repeat a single subject.  I can really use a wish right now.  Please dear genie, help my grades from failing.

For now, I’m glad that so far I’ve made it through. Though I made hundreds of little mistakes everyday and made few shortcuts, I’m still at the right path. I’m very grateful for that and I wish that I could really make it through ‘till the very end of this. I overheard some scoops that some of my classmates are either shifting to another course or transferring to another school. That’s a bad scoop. To see them leave OT is kind of miserable. Aside from the fact that the number of our class will decrease, we won’t see each other as often as usual. But to which is own. If they want to go then so be it. People come and go isn’t it? But as for me, I don’t wanna go. I wanna finish school through thick and thin even if I will complain a thousand times. I’m responsible for putting myself in this mess then I will get myself out of it too. 

Last day of exams was also the day we celebrated the end-of-the-sem. Not all of the OT second years went along. Some passed and some just don’t care.  Well even if we are not complete we still made the most out of it. We started the celebration at The Port, Waterfront. It’s an eat-all-you-can lunch buffet. Of course everybody enjoyed the unlimited food and the dessert. I was full and couldn’t even stand up. Good times. 

Next stop, we walk and brainstormed where to go next. A lot of ideas were heard but we couldn’t decide what to do. So it took us an hour to decide.

 

 We went to Ayala to try the photo booth. It was crazy! We tried to fit the eleven or twelve of us inside the small booth and the result were unexplainable.

Moving on, we went to another mall, SM. We chit chatted at the food court for the next few hours. We talked about everything. We laugh about the laughables and we talk about the unmentionables. After all the talking, we tried the bump cars and some kiddy rides at SM. Too bad Cebu city don’t have amusement parks to amuse us!

 Moving on, we went to play pool. It was my first time playing pool and I enjoyed it. Though we didn’t follow the exact rules but the main point is that we had fun shooting the balls inside the pits. I want to try it again. Someone please teach me!!! :D

 We should have tried bowling too but our pocket is almost empty so maybe next time. Some of us called it a day but my cousin, 3 other classmates and I went to a movie house. It’s not actually a “movie house” it’s more like a movie room. We rent a dvd and watch it in the room. And I don’t like the show because it’s a horror movie. A Thailand made horror movie. And I don’t like the sound of it. I kinda watch a lot of horror movies before but I quit that hobby. I can’t stand being scared. Going back, I can’t back out so there I was, shouting and covering my eyes with my hands. It really scares all my sleepy veins and nerves.  LOL :)) Actually I don’t have a really good sleep that night. I slept late just thinking about the freaking gh*st. Waking up the next day, I felt relax. Not because I watched a horror film but because I’m free. No more assignments and examinations to entertain. Yaaaaaaho! It’s a time to lighten up. :D  I celebrated the 76th birthday of my lola that day too.

After what is said and done, I’m home. Now, I’m enjoying the start of my sembreak. Abundant foods, comfortable bed, annoying brothers and super maids are here. I miss this lifestyle so much that’s why I’m going to enjoy this before another tiring semester will start complicating my life. :) 

AIBS

He wishes that...

   Never in my academic life did I bring a medal or any award home. Scratch the latter. I did bring home an award like four times? Let me enumerate it all – two most punctual award, good in writing composition award( I really don’t know if it’s true coz basically it’s not) and a loyalty award in elem school. In my perspective, those are not impressive. Most punctual?  Loyalty award? Who are they kidding? Maybe they can kid the kid me but looking at it now.. it’s kind of a laughing stock you know. And it’s quite a shame actually. But years passed and I learned to accept my capacity. I was like “the average kind”. So what right? I breathe and live averagely. I use the excuse “Nobody is perfect” every time.

   But something happened last night that made me contemplate about my capabilities. It’s not all about me, I and myself views. Looking at other’s perspective or let me say my dad’s perspective; my system is in need for change. I keep on saying “So what if I don’t have an award.” every graduation.  It’s not really a “so what”. Because deep down my father’s heart, he cares, he hopes. He is the king of wishful thinking. I don’t know what happened but after we ate dinner, he started throwing tantrums to everybody and most especially me. That I should concentrate on my studies and not mind Facebook and other material things. That I should be something near scholar or be a scholar! A scholar for pete’s sake!! How could I do that? Well, he compared me to my cousin who graduated cum laude in college. He compared me to his officemate’s daughters who, according to him, are not intelligent people but are scholars because they are studious and blah blah blah. Stuffs like that you know. And those are not just normal stuffs. Those stuffs are my frustrations remember? I wrote about it last time. -->Updating Myself.  I want to defend myself but I can’t. How could I? I’m a lazy-ass daughter of his. I tried to change and set goals but I keep on breaking them. I can’t defend myself coz its true. I’m no-sucker for books and of course, I had a brain like mine.  But whatever my excuses and frustrations may be, my dad has all the right to scold me and ask for some reimbursement for his hard work on me. He said that it’s not for him and it’s all for me coz I’m the one who can benefit from all of this at the end of the day. True. But a part of me is telling me to read hear his words between the line. He wants me to bring home a big accomplishment. An accomplishment he can be proud of me and show it off to his friends. Who don’t want something like that right? If I have children, I wanted to show them off too. Upon hearing his words or let say his wishful thinking, I felt like crying coz I was hurt. I was washing the dishes that time too. LOL :)) Anyways, back to the topic, I was hurting. Because what he desires is my frustration. I was frustrated of myself because I can’t be a genius or just clever. I’m frustrated that I can’t do math. I’m frustrated that I forget lessons; I am frustrated that I can’t be a daughter that can bring home medals at the end of the year.

    I want to be a genie right now and tell him this: “Your wish is my command”. But how could I? I’m a mere homo erectus. I keep on trying but I kinda fail all the time. But I’m not giving up, it’s just that my efforts cannot be honored. For other people, it’s nothing. It’s not worth it. So other than my efforts, I can’t show my dad anything. It is once again, frustrating. 

   Maybe my mom is the same as my father too. She keeps on telling me that all she ever wanted is for me to pass OT with no left or right turns. But deep down, who knows what she’s really thinking?
How could I make them happy? How could I do my best? Be myself? Nah, I tried being myself but its not working. Try harder? Maybe. Definitely. BUT HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?

Message to dad: I can’t say don’t worry neither you wish is my command. Because it takes time for my brain to process and to do the things that I’m not good at. But thank you for pushing me. Thanks for being my father and being my atm-account. I know that I’m a pain in the butt. I keep on asking you for something but I keep on being such a disappointment. Dy, I will try to be a best daughter. And I love you, so I will prove it to you that I can be a daughter you can be proud off. Wait for it. :)

Message to mom: Mommy, you’re all caring and lovely dovey. I thank you and daddy for putting me together and making me a someone on this huge planet. I will keep all the things that you said and carve it on my heart. Sorry if I’m not good enough now but I’m trying my best to be good enough for you. Wait for it. :)

I sooo wish they could read this or see my heart now. I’m totally not bluffing. It’s all true. It’s all what’s deep down inside. I want to prove to them that I’m not a loser and I can be a fine person someday. I want to prove to myself that I can prove my parents that I can be a fine and successful person someday. Someday down the road, my dad’s wish is my command. ;)

Aibs

Updating Myself

Every year, I realize how stupid I was the year before. I keep on blaming myself for doing shameful things. I keep on shooting myself with regrets. And every time I did it, it’s killing me. Good thing I survived those shots. The trouble with me is that I tend to let bygones be bygones. Something bad happens; I get involved then moved on. Life is supposed to be handled like that. I handled my life like that but sometimes it slip and makes a u-turn, a u-turn that I can’t simply get away. I act as if I’m okay with everything else but deep down, it’s madly frustrating. It’s frustrating that I’m not confident to be myself. It’s frustrating that I’m carrying a lot of insecurities. It’s frustrating that I’m frustrated!

I broke a lot of new years’ resolution. I broke a lot of promises I made for my self. I’m that kind of a person. I broke a lot of things. I broke trust, I broke relationships. And every time I broke things, those things broke my heart. But then again, after I get involved, I move on. I’m like an anti-virus who can heal and update myself. After deleting the pain, I’m good as new. But we all know that viruses are always there. Waiting to attack and destroy something again. I’m prone to viruses and sometimes I can’t just remove it because I’m not strong enough. …

I may cry, I may smile, I may pout. But at the end of the day I can accept the reason of my fall and forget it. Some may not understand, some may not forget and some may criticize. After all is said and done, I get back up again.

Okay, the real reason why I’m frustrated is because of my midterm grades. I’m frustrated of having a brain that works like .. like a worm. I want to impress my dad and mom. I want them to feel that I’m trying my best here. I want them to know that I keep on trying to be strong and competent. I want to have high scores to show it off to them. But in stead of giving them that, I gave them an ugly grade. I told you, I tried my best. I exhaust myself studying. My close friends’ in school got high grades. I want to have a high grade too! Seeing my scores, it looses my mood. It makes me feel so small, so insecure, and so useless. I tried my best to update myself but in the end, it never failed to disappoint me. I KEEP ON DISAPPOINTING MYSELF! I KEEP ON DISAPPOINTING EVERYBODY! Why?!! 

Why am I like this? I’m no quitter. It’s just so disappointing to continue knowing that I’m just getting myself disappointed again.  It pisses me off but I moved on. I am who I am. How sad. I hate this drama!!

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

And now I’m fine. But before anything else, I just want to type this one out. I failed Physics. I got a 3.1. What’s my excuse? I hate math. I hate the teacher. I hate listening to her. I hate looking at her. I hate studying the book. I hate solving Physics’ problems. I simply hate everything about Physics. But you know what; this subject broke my heart too. I felt so dull.  So this time, I’m making a goal: I will knock physics down!! I will pass it and swear, I won’t repeat it again!! Moving on.. I almost failed one major subject - Human Anatomy and physiology. I got a 3.0. What luck! Among the 28 students taking that sub, 12 passed and 16 failed. I ranked 12 on the list. Lame. It’s a funny but devastating rank. How could I get a 3.0?! I studied Human anatomy seriously. I put a lot of efforts into it and then I got a 3?! Thinking about all the stuffs I memorized go wasting, I felt pathetic. I AM MAD! 

Having low grades is degrading isn’t it? I am devastated, furious, and mad! I don’t wan to feel pathetic and pathetic. I don’t want to have a bird-brain!!! I’m not dull but it feels like I’m one. Oh crap! I’m angry again.  

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

 
It’s normal right? It’s just a midterm grade right? I will accept this. Why won’t I? I will survive. I will!!!!!! 

I’m not a screw-up. I can get back up. I may break another promise but I will keep on motivating myself. I won’t give up. All my frustrations won’t go away that easily of course. It will just go hiding in the dark again, waiting for its next time to destroy me. But I’m gonna fight them, let the wounds heal and update myself like an anti-virus software. This is life right? It’s a battle. I may lose now but who knows? In the future I may lose again. Hahaha. Kidding. Maybe in the future I can have my chance coz they said, “Life is fair.” No worries. 

If there are a thousand reason reasons to frown there's always one reason that can defy it.

I’m going to knock all that obstacles in my way.

This I’m promising telling you. 

Aibs

One week break from school

                                           Time-Out!

I need this break. Every student like me needs it. Who wouldn’t? And so, my wish came true. The school gave in and let me go home at last. It’s not really a break like a holiday break. It’s Intramurals week. You know, the week where model-ish, athlete-ish, brain-ish, talented-ish shows off their all. Me? Nah, I better let my brain rest after all the stress and trauma I went through last midterms. And I’ll add this to my excuse: I don’t like to show off my abilities because I don’t have one. Ahahahahaha. Let’s face it.

Anyways, going home is the best. Nothing beats my hometown, my house and of course my family and the food! Why did I ever exchange this wonderful life to Cebu-away from home-foodless-life? Well I need to grab a good education there but I don’t want to be far away from home anymore!! Anyways, moving on, I’m home and I need all the seconds in this one week break to take a break!

I can use the internet as much as I want and I own the television for the time being. Well, we don’t have a t.v cable since birth that’s why I brought a Korean drama in DVD with me. I do love watching Asian or American series. Anyways there, those two stuffs are relaxing to me. Plus I can eat all the good food without spending even a dime and emptying my wallet. I love home. I miss my mommy, my daddy and my three little, idiotic, funny, pessimistic brothers. Try living alone and you’ll feel what I’m feeling. And and and, the best part is this.. We have yaya’s to the rescue. I don’t have to wash the dishes or seep the floor this time. Last summer, I suffered a bit because our yaya’s will just come and go. Now, they’re here to save the day and my one week break. Ha Ha Ha. Just for once okey?? 

In every happy story theirs always something that is not so happy. My brother got sick. So sick I might say. He had this flu going on for a week. Making my mother tired, worried and anxious everyday. And I have to run errands for her like giving my brother sponge baths, buying medicines, going to the doctor with them, watching for my other brothers and stuffs like that. I have to cut short my one week break because today, a Saturday.. I need to go back to Cebu. My brother is being transferred to another hospital because he’s not just having an ordinary fever but a Dengue. That’s a scary one. There’s no cure for Dengue am I right? So I have to listen to orders and go with them. The annoying thing is, Lolo Pot (the owner of the university I’m in & I call him Lolo Pot because.. I feel like it) the annoying thing is that Lolo Pot declared Monday a holiday or something like continuation of championship games. Nice one Lolo Pot. Hay naku!! Anyways, I don’t have to complain. All I have to do now is pray and wish that my brother will get better soon. I want him to be healthy so that my mom can feel at ease too. 

That’s basically it. My one week break will soon be over and crappy college life will resume. God bless the Philippines. And please, please may the dengue fever come to an end! It has to end. It’s adding trouble to everyone and to my brother.

Aib

The Eating Me

I wrote this entry when I was 15 years old. It talks about the eating me back then. :)) And hey, I revised it to make it readable. Here goes:

 It seems like it that I’m always hungry all the time. I'm not that greedy-fat-fatty of course. But when the situation calls for it I gotta admit I dig in really deep. Lol. And lucky me I do have reliable sources that will serve what my stomach orders. Whenever I’m depressed or excited or just normal I eat. When people say say music = life,  I say happiness = food.

 

   I’m craving for chocolate’s.. yuum. I always sneak some chocolate bars and eat it in my bedroom. This maybe weird to hear but when there are no chocolate bars available I used Milo as a replacement.

   I don’t really care about having a Miss Universe body.  All I care is that I’m alive and not hungry. Who cares about the carves!!  Ok now, I sound like a pig but what could I do, I’m expressing myself here. Daah.

   I wanna taste new flavors too. Like those Thai, Korean, Japanese and all-around-the-world dishes. I can’t wait for that time to come. Weeeee. I could really use some wish right now. By the way, I so love dining in at Eat-all-you-can’s. HA HA

   I think that’s it.. No need to explain further. I just wanna write something about food and my addiction to it. Well, yeah I got addicted to it but it’s better than drugs isn’t it? ha ha

Reaction: I don’t know what to say. Crazy, crazy, crazy!! That old entry of mine sounds weird, talking about food and all. But I fully understand the writer of that entry. I understand what she’s trying to express. Truthfully that eating monster inside her stomach is still alive and kicking. It’s just waiting in silence. Waiting for the girl to feed IT. Wait, that girl is me and that monster is unnamed. HAHAHA. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t control the eating me. When I see good food all I can think about is to finish them off. Swear. Am I that greedy? I don’t want to be a humongous lady in the near future so I should warn myself starting now. I need to discipline myself. I’ll take note of it. For now, the only thing that could stop me from eating is when there’s no more penny left in my pocket. Damn. Such kill joy. 

 Life would be so dull without lots of good food. As I said before happiness equates food. We should love food and not go on a diet or be this anorexic person. We should taste different flavors, different happiness. So in conclusion, I conclude that I love to eat. It’s just as simple as ABC and 123. BTW: Treat Me!! ;)
 

Aib

Gone are the days ...

Found this in my multiply blog and I want to revise it a little.

 

 I FEEL LIKE THE PAST YEARS HAVE GONE SO FAST

 I’m not that old to look back and reminisce the years I spent here on earth. It’s just that I want to write something about me loving to be a kid and not having to worry about anything else. I don’t like responsibilities and to be honest if I could then I would like to stay a kid forever. But there’s no such thing as never land and Peter Pan. There’s no way out. I gotta face reality bitterly or betterly. (There’s no betterly in the dictionary. HAHA.)  Living life to the fullest? Cheers to that sentence because I’m starting to have a blast. My motto is this: “what comes, comes".  My mom keeps on lecturing me about risks and responsibilities. My ears are hurting crazily but mothers know best. There’s no other way to survive other than listening to them and putting these words right into our hearts.=p

Time is running out. The calendar page is being ripped and then soon after that a new calendar is place. Different technologies are available to the market to make our day easy and fast. Memories are being stored in albums for us to look back when we’re ancient. Time is gold they say. So we should not waste it. Time is gold, so precious that we cannot make a replica out of it. I guess I need to go with the flow or else I’ll be left behind.

Anyway, gone are the days and I had to move on and live today and enjoy every seconds in it. Weeeeeeeee..

Aibs

The part where I let go

My whole body is widely aware about the dilemma I got myself into.  I can’t say that I whole heartedly accepted the fact that some asshole snatch up my phone. Believe me, I can’t stop thinking about it and the troubles that goes along with it. I miss my phone.   I miss my alarm clock, my camera, my source of communication. I want to hold it again. And remembering that I miss it is also remembering the scene where I lose it. That scene causes me to pity myself.  The very inside of my being is screaming that I’m a useless person, unreliable, careless.

But I need to let it go and move on. Everybody do that and it’s about time that I should too. Mom and I are friends again. :)) Well, she’s not mad anymore but she can’t really forget. I need to super bribe her and make amends later. As for my phone, I’ll send it my goodbye. This is the part where I have to let it go and make the experience a reminding tool to be extra careful next time. And hey, Life goes on. :) 

Aibs

I love you mommy but you never love me ( a repost)

Found this post and I wanna share it here.

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.
nally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!
I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just… 
One more heart that was stopped. 
Two more eyes that will never see. 
Two more hands that will never touch. 
Two more legs that will never run. 
One more mouth that will never speak.

   This is cruel people! How could the parents do this? We make our own choices and our choice makes us but taking an innocent life can never be considered a choice. Each situation happens for a reason. But whatever the reason that mother has is, she doesn’t have to do this. To take the life of her child is absurd.  She should embrace, hold and love that child no matter what. That's the fate of every mother and child. The fate to be together, forever. It shouldn’t have to be this way. Every life is precious. Our life is precious; we need to experience the love, the happiness, and the tears. We can’t be deprived of those things.  Can we stop this cruelty? Oh, yes we can. We should not be taking our lives or other lives for granted. We need to be responsible for everything. If we’re not yet ready for this kind of situations then we should watch out for these situations. I should watch out. 

To my mom and dad,
Thank you for giving me my life.  I will not waste it.

Aibs

Last day of midterms was epic. :l

     Because of this incident, my eyes opened what Cebu City is really like. Too late, I can’t undo what happened last 08/05/’10. That’s yesterday, so fresh and heartbreaking.  I was about to knock my Medical Terminology exam down so that I can be free from all the stress and sleepless nights but in stead, I was the one to be knock down that day and the sound of it is horrible. My exam would start at 10:00 A.M. In order to get to school my cousin slash classmate and I have to take the public utility vehicle. We were about to reach the campus when TWO UGLY LOOKING BEAST went inside the jeep that I was riding that time. One of the ugly guys sat right beside me. I don’t care who sat beside me because that time I’m too busy cramming for my upcoming exam. I placed my phone at my blouse's right pocket and my fair is at the same pocket too. I was reaching for my fair and turn to At-At (my cousin) and gave it to her so she can pay it to the driver. Unknowingly, the ugly guy that I was talking to you about is a SNATCHER. A lowlife, ugly, poor snatcher. I didn’t feel it at first but when I went out of the jeep and reach for my pocket the bitter reality hit me: I don't had my phone anymore. My phone that was given by my dad and it’s not even a month old in my hands! I feel like dying that time. My instincts and reflexes acted crazily that time, I grab a cab and told the cabby to follow the tail of the jeep. I was able to reach the jeep but the two ugly beasts weren’t there anymore. The jeep driver told us that indeed those two were snatchers. WTF?! He was aware that those two were snatchers but he let them ride the jeep with us?? He told us to follow the snatchers but its all useless now, even if we found the ugly beasts, my cousin and I was unarmed and merely defenseless students. What attack could we use against those two? In the end, all I’m able and capable to do is cry. But I need to be strong, I need to cut short the drama and the runny nose because I have an exam to knock down remember? I took the exam and it was Okay. I find it easy but while obviously I was distracted. The traumatic scene keeps on replaying in my head and my freaking runny nose is disturbing me. I took the exam again at the RS office because the my exam copy lacks a page. :O Oh trouble. After that, my classmates comforted me but still I’m all cry cry cry. :((

     I went home with fluffy eyes and a terrible headache.  I calmed myself first and I tried to figure how to tell my mom and how to deal with her after. I can do a lot of horrible things but please I don’t want confrontations with my mom especially with this kind of thing. I'm dying!! I had two solutions in line. First, I will buy a new phone to replace the one I lost. But who am I kidding? I don’t have the money. I don’t know where to borrow the 15k and if ever I can get that amount of money I don’t know how to pay that huge debt. I can’t starve myself for a year to save that huge amount of course. So the last option is to tell my mom. I gathered up my strength and called her. It didn’t go that well of course. She’s extremely mad and she wants me to stop studying here by the end of the semester. She said Cebu is not really for me and that I’m not responsible, I’m tactless and useless and she even describe me with all the negative adjectives in the dictionary. She won’t even talk to me right now. :( She can’t understand my reason but I get that. I don’t have to argue, it’s my fault anyway. I let my guard down and I’m gloomy about that. 

     I really like my phone and even though it’s just a thing it’s hard to let it go. At times like this, sleeping is the very very very last option I have. After the sleep, I felt a whole lot better. I told my said that even if everything's a mess, I will not cry over spilled milk. My cousins come to the rescue. They cheered me up and put a smile back at my face. I need to cheer up because it’s my cousin’s 22nd birthday too! She’s treating us to an eat-all-you can buffet. Life is traumatic but we need to deal with it(eat it off) or else we’ll lose. I ate a lot of course and gain a big stomach but what the hell???

     I will be strong and move on though it’s freaking hard. I won’t do suicide of course. Let those ugly beasts have my phone; they will receive a punishment for making me cry at the university!!

     This incident taught me a lesson and the price is costly but I think God can explain why. :)

Aibs

Char College Entrance Essay

    As I’m scanning old documents in my flash drive, I found my supposed to be college entrance essay for Velez College. I was feeling funny the time I finished reading the essay. It’s full of sugar, spice and everything nice. ha-ha.  I’m going to share to you the essay I submitted. Take note of this, I didn’t  enroll at Velez. Meaning, the piece is kinda useless. Zzzzzzz.  

   Here it goes:

   What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? True isn’t it? Have you ever wondered why other people could be so different from the rest of the society? Why do these people need more attention and care? Does having those unfavorable conditions hinder them to participate in everyday life? I do believe that it’s not their fault to obtain these limitations in their life. Other people might just neglect them. What’s the purpose of living if people like us who are in good condition were just the only one taking benefits from the community.  Helping other people can never hurt and in my case doing so is like gaining a feeling of self-fulfillment. I, for one, have had ample of experiences of lending a hand to others especially inside my age group.

    I have this intention or maybe an urge to learn more about the psychological pain of others that I am unaccustomed to. Thus, by acquiring proper knowledge, maybe next time I can be more effective in dealing with different kinds of people with different behaviors. I can say that I am still not that proficient enough to provide effectual advices nor can I function perfectly inside this society but even so, I’m not just trying to acquire proper knowledge but I am also willing to be of service to the underprivileged and to the community too.

   Being a graduating student, I had done some counseling and researching about the appropriate course suited for my interest and capacities. I have inquired some college friends of mine about some Colleges offering the best medicine school in Cebu, Philippines. Many had recommended your school --- Cebu Velez College. I have heard lots of great facts about this prestigious school and having this opportunity now to take one step forward on getting a chance to be a part of this institution in the future would mean an honor to do so.

    My first choice of course was Physical Therapy but then one of my relatives who work abroad recommended Occupational Therapy instead. She said that the job opportunities offered by taking OT course is better. As I made further research about the similarities and differences of both courses, I happen to be drawn in by the information I obtain about Occupational Therapy. Being attracted to this course, I had already asked my parents about taking up OT and they had given me an approval in pursuing my preferred course provided that I would really like to spend my next my five years in college taking up occupational therapy. My motive in taking up this course is purely practical and beneficial.  Considering that this course suits me I don’t have any second thoughts about it.

I feel like laughing out loud to my old self. I remembered back then, I’m 100% nervous on taking the entrance exams. I want to pass it and study Occupational therapy with all my heart. The nervousness is killing my heart that time. It’s like a feeling of now or never. If I fail, then I cannot help other people but if I pass then it’s a win situation. OT is not really my dream but because I choose it then I will fight for it skin deep.

 I want to revive the old feeling. The feeling that I will do everything just to passed all obstacles in front of me.

I CAN DO IT! :)

Aibs

I'm in a relationship with studies and it's complicated

    

     It’s been 1 month, 1 week and for days since my second year of college started. And for that little period of time it causes a lot of burdensome stress and sleepless nights. I never expected this kind of rush to happen so quick. Summing up all the pressure I’ve been through in just a little period of time is equivalent to the pressure I had in a one whole semester last year. The subject progression is fast, new “alienated” words are introduced and break time is scarce. I’m running low on ATP’s.

     For someone as lazy as me, the pressure is reaching to the core. I just can’t help myself but complain. Stress is bad for the health. I definitely agree to that! I view life as simple as it can be. But everyday I go to school it’s just getting complicated. My spending gets in the way at times too. Grrrrr. Sometimes, I wish I’m a billionaire smiling next to Oprah and the queen. Anyways, I can’t be billionaire and I don’t want to have a lot that is something considered to be the root of all evil. So alphabetically speaking I’m b-r-o-k-e. Unlike last year, I can save money behind. Here in Cebu there’s this popular disturbing issue about people randomly injecting H.I.V viruses with the use of syringe or even just needles and in some cases, putting drops of the virus in catsup containers everywhere. There are a lot of reports that “H.I.V rangers” rides on jeepneys and injects the virus randomly to an innocent passenger. WTH?! Samoka that life oy. My cousin Shantal and I are paranoid by the idea. We don’t want to become a victim. Who in the right mind would? Our life is precious to just waste it to a stupid life taker freak who I don’t even know. Here’s a catch, we can escape from this life threatening issue by not riding the jeep and by taking the taxi to and from the school everyday. It may be a good solution but it’s causing us more expenses. I can’t ask my mom for an allowance increase of course. It’s too much to ask and I don’t want to ask for more. That’s why sacrifices exist in this world. The H.I.V issue eventually fades and we can ride the jeepney again. It’s human nature to like riding the taxi everyday than to take the jeep. We kinda get used to the riding of the taxi. It’s comfortable and air conditioned. And the problem started, we’re not paranoid anymore but we’re lazy much now. HA-HA :))

     Amidst all the pressure, fatigue and the complaining, it doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I will never ever reach to the point that I’ll be regretting taking up Bachelor of Science in Occupational Therapy. I will finish this and I will be living a life that I wanted. But for now, I’ll go back to complaining. I’m in a serious relationship with my studies and it’s complicated. Very complicated to ignore and very complicated to understand fully. I’m neither the genius-type nor the slowest-type. I’m kinda the average type of student. I can’t understand and analyze facts and problems in one go and I really hate mathematics! I think my brain is about to explode right now. I need to memorize every detail of the muscles and bone and their specific location and function. I need to memorize new medical terminologies; I need to do chemical experiments(which is easy but sometimes burdensome because of the fact I’m the leader of the group and one of my members is not cooperating plus I don’t really want to lead. I'm more like an avid follower).Also I need to go swimming once a week in the school pool because of PE 13!(Note: I do like swimming but not this kind of swimming wherein there’s a lot of rules!!)

      I’m this wimpy kid(or lady) who wants to enjoy life simply but it’s actually depressing to know that I’m growing up and everything changes in a blink of an eye. I’ll be out of my mind pretty soon. I cannot take my studies for granted because I made a promise to my parents who sacrificed a lot to give me excellent education. I don’t want to disappoint and break there hearts so I need to stick to that promise even though I had a brain like mine. I put a lot of effort in order to attain good grades but sometimes I just can’t focus. I sometimes forget reasons and let my laziness rule my body. Oh come on, how can I change this?! I’m desperate to change but next thing I know I’m back to my old self doing nonsense. Zzzzzzz. My life is indeed like a weather, predictable yet unpredictable. Get it. Blah-blah-blah. I need to put an ending to this cause I know you already get the whole point of this entry. 

     Let me tell you this one time, I may have a brain like mine and life may get so serious for me to handle but I’m not weak. I’m strong and someday soon I can go outside my comfort zone with the help of myself only. ;)

Aibi

2010 summer galore :D

I did these :

• Island Hopping with classmates
• Lots of free snacks and delicious dinners at home (which I missed so much, I can't eat them at Cebu!!)
• Lots of quality bonding time with mommy, daddy and my 3 stupid brothers.
• White Sands of Canigao Island
• Amazing views of Bohol Philippines
• Family time with beaches at camotes Island
• Swimming pool hopping
• Lots of DVD marathons( I owned the dvd player and the tvthe whole summer)
• My hometown's fresh air (and not the polluted air of Cebu)
• I turned 17!!
• Free from stress ( but not free from boredom)

"We're not paying for the entrance fees & tickets, we're paying for the experience."

That's my summer's motto. And of all my summer life, summer 2010 is the best one yet. A special adventure that goes down to my photo album. ;)

First stop, island hopping with classmates and college friends was totally fun! It's my first time riding a small boat, and my first time to go to a real outing even though my mommy didn't know well I asked for her permission and that she strongly rejected it for 50 times. :)) I packed my bags and went with the guys and oh, I didn't forget to pack guilt. I felt guilty for coming w/o permission but it was drained with all the ocean rush and excitement. Our trip was called island hopping; we should hop to different islands after another but decided to stay at one island instead because of the expensive entrance fees. Hello! It's the beginning of summer and the end of allowance week so we need to stick to our budget. But other than that, we had fun and we got tanned. Cool, I negra colored myself. It’s really huge evidence that I went swimming. Cool? Uh-oh. I'm a dead-negra-woman-walking. :))

Second stop. OOOOh. I gained weight and it's a total bad news. I'm faaaaaaaaaat.

With all the eating, who wouldn't?When I'm stuck at home, I got bored and when I got bored I eat. Foods are everywhere and it’s for freeeeeeee. I just can't resist the food. When the blessing is there you can't say no, it's bad :D And ok, ok I ate a lot, gained a lot and woosh I become koko crunch. HA HA HA. Well, I have this eating passion. I can control my cravings but at you know, summer is all about doing the things you can't do during school days. I can't eat lots and lots of food when I'm in Cebu (the place where I'm living my college life). I need to stick to my budget. And so when I have the opportunity to eat, I will grab it. And whaaaaaat the hell?? I'm faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

(meet my baby bro Myku)

Third stop. Studying college far away from home is difficult. I need ample of time to adjust and I need to learn a lot of new things on my own. Living in a new city without my parents to watch over me and my brothers to do stupid things at me I kinda miss my old life. I wanted to cry my heart out but I can do that only, life must go on. Anyways, this summer I went back to my old life with them. :))

Fourth stop. My family and I enjoyed the white sand and the sky blue-blue-green beach at Canigao Island. You can call it islet too because surprisingly you can circle it by foot by 20 minutes only. It's a lovely place, good for families to spend their day together. My family with my close relatives had an awesome time chilling there. By the way, we went their twice!

Fifth stop. A week after we went to Canigao Island, we visited the amazing spots of Bohol, Philippines! Its sure was amazing. We got a lot of places to see, roads to hit and cameras to snap. Let me mention this, on our first road trip there we had a lot of adventure. NOT. We found ourselves lost in the middle of nowhere. We don't have any tour guides with us but we had a map. We're not Dora the explorer alright! So it took us a while to get out of Bohol's woodland. The next day, the adults hired a van with an expert driver to tour us. It's a good thing you know. No time was wasted we hop from one view to another. Guess what, all of our cameras lost their lives. Dead. :)) What a vacation. Good times, Good times.

* Ostrich Farm *

* Rides at Danao *

* The place where the Blood Compact happened. *

* Baclayon Church*

* Prony the phyton's home *

* Tarsiers and Loboc River*

*Chocolate Hills*

*Sagbayan Peak*

*I forgot the name of that cave* :))

*somewhere going to Ubay*

* Hagna Bohol *

We reached the famous Panglao Island but it's nighttime already, we didn't hit the beaches but someday I will!! I enjoyed every second of our travel. I wish I can come here again soon. See you soon Bohol. ;)

Fourth stop. We spent a weekend at another island near Leyte namely Camotes Island. Going there we rode a boat for about 3 hours? I felt kinda dizzy that time. I really dislike riding boats. It makes me feel sick! After the boat ride we went to take a look at their small hotel then to Lake Danao. They have this lake inside an island! Cool isn't it plus the name of their lake is similar to the one we have here on Leyte. We also went to their market. I must say I’m surprised after seeing their wet market. It’s not over-crowded with consumers and their market is clean and not smelly at all! I wished all wet markets are the same as theirs. After the little sightseeing we headed to the beach resort where we will be staying for the night. We stayed at a comfy cottage with aircon. I didn't hit the beach that day. Instead, I helped my mom and the others cook the food. There's some problem with the electricity but that doesn't stop the fun. We made a bonfire. My cousins and I had fun around the fire. Alas! There are no marshmallows available. Ha-ha. On the second day, we went to Mangudlong rock resort. With no hesitation, my cousin and I went woosh woosh and splash splash in the beach. My dad dared me to jump off a very high cliff which I 100% declined. I didn't have Bella Swan's confidence. Ha-ha. After all the fun at the island I went home with a new skin color. OOOh!

* My little Island hotel *

* beside Camotes Island's wet market *

* Lake Danao *

* Palanas Beach Resort *

* Mangudlong Rock Resort *

* snip snaps going home *

Fifth stop. Swimming pools are there to oppose boredom. And so, one faithful day in summertime, the families pack their clothes and foods to enjoy the heat of summer shine. OOOOh! I wanted to get wet that day butr something is preventing me. Stupid monthly period! Tssk. Tssk. That day, when all my cousins went for a jumping and swimming at the pool I officially become their official photographer with no salary. But having spend quality time with my cousin was the bestest! ;)

* Agalon Resort *

I totally love this summer. It’s a nice experience and a very valuable memory. I hereby conclude that our family is the best companion in exciting activities. I cannot block boredom form striking of course. I found out a sweet escape. The answer was this a DVD marathon with snacks. I bought lots and lots of English and Korean/Taiwanese series and rented out some movies. I possessed the television and the player. Ha-ha. I learned lots of moral lesson too. Without any allowance it was very difficult to beg mommy for money. J I got lucky in the end.

I never expected to experience this summer galore but I was more than delighted I experienced it.

It’s now the start of June and something’s gotta give. Summer is over and school is here!.

Goodbye sunny days. Hello raindrops! :D

aibs